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Wednesday, January 7, 2009.
10:38 PM
Meet him after school to watch movie today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAM HAPPY!!! When I was driving i was like hoping the time to end faster so i can go watch movie with him... Although i dun even know what i am watching but i still looking forward to it...
And yes, I was Transporter 3!! Nice show =)
Today I do feel myself being restricted from him. Sorry. I just dunno why. I want to get close to him and i feel so comfortable with him around me but when i think of what he had say previously, I totally restricted him from myself..
It really hurts me of what he had said eariler... He said that he gt nth to talk to me at night, saying that there is no point talking everyday ( after 5yrs) stupid* and say that no point meeting cause we are seeing each other everyday. And also said that sat dun like to go out cause i am the want who shop nt him and he dun see a need to accompany me...
All this, hurts me lots............ I just keep remember this when he get close to me..
And i just cried as I walked back home just now.
What is the reason?
1. Time spend together are too short and how i wich he could send me him but never!
2. I try to restrict myself from going near to him because i dunno what suitation are we!
3. Whenever I think of what he had said, i hate him
4. I hate him so much yet everytime i look at him i wan to be close to him.
Yes, i am contradicting myself and i know it...
What can i do?
seeing him today is enough for me.. At least I can get to spend my night with him.. (although is short)
And yes, I was Transporter 3!! Nice show =)
Today I do feel myself being restricted from him. Sorry. I just dunno why. I want to get close to him and i feel so comfortable with him around me but when i think of what he had say previously, I totally restricted him from myself..
It really hurts me of what he had said eariler... He said that he gt nth to talk to me at night, saying that there is no point talking everyday ( after 5yrs) stupid* and say that no point meeting cause we are seeing each other everyday. And also said that sat dun like to go out cause i am the want who shop nt him and he dun see a need to accompany me...
All this, hurts me lots............ I just keep remember this when he get close to me..
And i just cried as I walked back home just now.
What is the reason?
1. Time spend together are too short and how i wich he could send me him but never!
2. I try to restrict myself from going near to him because i dunno what suitation are we!
3. Whenever I think of what he had said, i hate him
4. I hate him so much yet everytime i look at him i wan to be close to him.
Yes, i am contradicting myself and i know it...
What can i do?
seeing him today is enough for me.. At least I can get to spend my night with him.. (although is short)
.I just can't forget you
<
Tuesday, January 6, 2009.
4:44 PM
HAPPY 4YEARS 11MTHS ANNIVERSARY TO ME!
quite stupid which i said it here and not my public blog.. Reason?? I dunno wat is right and wrong....
I am so surprise that he actually msg me and wishing me at the time of 12.17am.. This is wat i had waitied for years... Which everytime i say him, he don't even care.. But this time, he actually remember and most important is he send me..
well, in my heart i know this is due to the cold war we having now... If is back to normal, i doubt he will send.. Cause things are taken for granted..
So should i be happy or sad in the first place?? Happy that he remember ... Sad that this is not wat he normally do........ Hais..
Are things still going on right?
To him, now i am like nth.. without me = nth different to him too..................................................
quite stupid which i said it here and not my public blog.. Reason?? I dunno wat is right and wrong....
I am so surprise that he actually msg me and wishing me at the time of 12.17am.. This is wat i had waitied for years... Which everytime i say him, he don't even care.. But this time, he actually remember and most important is he send me..
well, in my heart i know this is due to the cold war we having now... If is back to normal, i doubt he will send.. Cause things are taken for granted..
So should i be happy or sad in the first place?? Happy that he remember ... Sad that this is not wat he normally do........ Hais..
Are things still going on right?
To him, now i am like nth.. without me = nth different to him too..................................................
.I just can't forget you
<
Monday, January 5, 2009.
10:14 PM
Another quiet night i endure.. It had been the 3rd day ... Seem like things are getting serious here... Well, there is nth that i can do.. I had done wat i already could.. Hence.. shall stay put...
Thought that a glims of hope to see you yet u didn't went to bbdc.. Well, it jus part of my thinking.. Hence no point driving back to bbdc and i drive back home today...
Tml is Anniversary day.. Which i could onli call it "A" Day.. But well, guess it could just be a quiet day too.. Jus like any other normal day.. No thoughts putting into hearts, slient as what u usually do...
What more can I say..
Slient tears that make me slp all day...
Thought that a glims of hope to see you yet u didn't went to bbdc.. Well, it jus part of my thinking.. Hence no point driving back to bbdc and i drive back home today...
Tml is Anniversary day.. Which i could onli call it "A" Day.. But well, guess it could just be a quiet day too.. Jus like any other normal day.. No thoughts putting into hearts, slient as what u usually do...
What more can I say..
Slient tears that make me slp all day...
.I just can't forget you
<
Sunday, January 4, 2009.
7:54 PM
Feeling so stupid to come back here again and again... Pershap this is the onli way to let it out ba..
Finally i feel that we should really have a talk.. And i realli know what is want or he is thinking.. But ended up, he still dun care abt anything.. Keep saying is nth and is my fault!
??? my fault?? He didn't even bother to contact me nor reply me or ans me and now he saying that i am angry all that... What kind of logic is this? I made myself to contact him and talk to him. Ended up i get all this!
I really wish to stop this! But somehow he like to continue this very much... The way he treated me realli let me feel so hurt... Very very hurtful...
I dunno how long can this last, but i had prepared to leave him in anytime he request it.. Since there is also no point dragging all this..
Currently i am lost.. Gt a bf who claim nth but actually he is the wan making everything...
All i am doing was tolerating try not to make stupid decision again.. I am trying very hard..
But how long can I last? Who can step in my shoes and understnad me?? U? Dun even think of it...
Use to be a thoughful guy become like that.. What else can I say?
Being with him will my future get worse or better??
Read horoscope books in kino ytd.. And said that genimi need guidance from scopion in their life. As scopion is more mature in thinking and will lead them well... And also read that scopion would make plan unlike gemini...
Genimi would guide scopion to forget the pass and look forward...
Blah blah blah , how true can it be???
To be for wati had go through was quite true...
Another reason for nt leaving him was that I am worried for him..
Worried about his studies and everything...
Imgaine there is no one to listen or helping him when he is in trouble either work or other stuff..
Everyone had a responsible to follow?? This is also my responsible?
So wat is his?
Feel so stupid that i actually saying all this here..
But well, wat else can i say?
Everything need 2 hand to clap, wat is the point when i already make a move and the other still remain statue quo. I gave in already and he still like that.. there is realli nth else i could say anymore....
Finally i feel that we should really have a talk.. And i realli know what is want or he is thinking.. But ended up, he still dun care abt anything.. Keep saying is nth and is my fault!
??? my fault?? He didn't even bother to contact me nor reply me or ans me and now he saying that i am angry all that... What kind of logic is this? I made myself to contact him and talk to him. Ended up i get all this!
I really wish to stop this! But somehow he like to continue this very much... The way he treated me realli let me feel so hurt... Very very hurtful...
I dunno how long can this last, but i had prepared to leave him in anytime he request it.. Since there is also no point dragging all this..
Currently i am lost.. Gt a bf who claim nth but actually he is the wan making everything...
All i am doing was tolerating try not to make stupid decision again.. I am trying very hard..
But how long can I last? Who can step in my shoes and understnad me?? U? Dun even think of it...
Use to be a thoughful guy become like that.. What else can I say?
Being with him will my future get worse or better??
Read horoscope books in kino ytd.. And said that genimi need guidance from scopion in their life. As scopion is more mature in thinking and will lead them well... And also read that scopion would make plan unlike gemini...
Genimi would guide scopion to forget the pass and look forward...
Blah blah blah , how true can it be???
To be for wati had go through was quite true...
Another reason for nt leaving him was that I am worried for him..
Worried about his studies and everything...
Imgaine there is no one to listen or helping him when he is in trouble either work or other stuff..
Everyone had a responsible to follow?? This is also my responsible?
So wat is his?
Feel so stupid that i actually saying all this here..
But well, wat else can i say?
Everything need 2 hand to clap, wat is the point when i already make a move and the other still remain statue quo. I gave in already and he still like that.. there is realli nth else i could say anymore....
.I just can't forget you
<
.
12:10 AM
As usual, i went out alone again! Applause for me huh.... Feeling like a fool to be out alone and walk aimlessly in shopping mall...
Went to far east and saw so many couples over there.. All the bf are accompany their gf to choose clothings... So envy yet my own bf turn me away... Walk a round and when to taka.. So stupid.... Went to kinokuniya to read books and mag...
Walk up and down along orchard till late then decided to go to bugis... Walked and found myself lost! No choice but to call him for direction =.=
Walk 1 round at bugis and saw claudia... and I bluff her that i was with my parent... =.= stupid*
Walk to boat quay and clark quay then decided to when back cause there are so many guys.. And BASTARD! I nearly get touch by them FUCK ALL MENS!
Now my head is splitting and i feel so sick.. my bosy felt sick not to forget my mind tooo! Hais...
Went to far east and saw so many couples over there.. All the bf are accompany their gf to choose clothings... So envy yet my own bf turn me away... Walk a round and when to taka.. So stupid.... Went to kinokuniya to read books and mag...
Walk up and down along orchard till late then decided to go to bugis... Walked and found myself lost! No choice but to call him for direction =.=
Walk 1 round at bugis and saw claudia... and I bluff her that i was with my parent... =.= stupid*
Walk to boat quay and clark quay then decided to when back cause there are so many guys.. And BASTARD! I nearly get touch by them FUCK ALL MENS!
Now my head is splitting and i feel so sick.. my bosy felt sick not to forget my mind tooo! Hais...
.I just can't forget you
<
Saturday, January 3, 2009.
3:59 PM
After so long, it happened again. The history repeat itself again and again in every year.
My bf choose not to go out so sudden again. Sometimes, I am just so lost. I do not know what to do, who to turn to? Just had a hrash quarrel again.. Almost for nth! He just suddenly flared up and say got no mood to shop. Which 1 hr ago was alright and yet now, i am left alone...
He said he is tired, he said this is wasting his time. He feel so stupid accompany me shopping and choosing my stuff.. What a sudden explanation that i received when I just changed my clothes and prepare to go out...
Sometime I start wondering should I get out of this world and move on or should I just remain.
I am sound stupid here and I admit that i made hrash desicion without thinking further. I often suggest breaking up and ended up i regret it myself. I feel so stupid! People always said that I should treasure such a good guy and shouldn't say all this things, but who the hell know what am i suffering deep down?? I onli say the pros of him and did not say the cons of him out.
Sometimes I really dun wan to be in a relationship and wana give up. But yet at times, I need care and concern.... Friends are nt everything, they can't give you wat a bf can give.. But at the same time, there are prices to pay tooo.. In a relationship, mood can be affected at any time of the day...
How i wish i had someone to talk to know... But, nope there is no one that i can speak to. Later is another day of me in orchard alone.. Gona plan my day... Where should i go , how should i go around till late night... There is no point of me going back early.... And i also can't meet my friend as i dun wan to alert anyone.. Cause ended up all blames are back to me..
He changed.. Changed to a person which I feel so far from him.. Yes, I may say all the shit here, but this is wat i am thinking...
I really feel like ending up everything yet I dun wish to regret... All i wan is quality time spend together.. And this is so diffcult..
From nth to fuss about slipper, to clothing, to no mood and in the end, i am left alone and get the blame..
Maybe thoughts are just different, for now or rather from long time ago, I had forseen this realtionship will not last.. Yet it drag till now... How long will it drag?? Is this a bless or trouble to me???
What am i suppose to do????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I feel like so stupid, this is a private blog which on one will come in and yet i am asking a question here... and I had to answer it myself.. I had what I am now!!!
My bf choose not to go out so sudden again. Sometimes, I am just so lost. I do not know what to do, who to turn to? Just had a hrash quarrel again.. Almost for nth! He just suddenly flared up and say got no mood to shop. Which 1 hr ago was alright and yet now, i am left alone...
He said he is tired, he said this is wasting his time. He feel so stupid accompany me shopping and choosing my stuff.. What a sudden explanation that i received when I just changed my clothes and prepare to go out...
Sometime I start wondering should I get out of this world and move on or should I just remain.
I am sound stupid here and I admit that i made hrash desicion without thinking further. I often suggest breaking up and ended up i regret it myself. I feel so stupid! People always said that I should treasure such a good guy and shouldn't say all this things, but who the hell know what am i suffering deep down?? I onli say the pros of him and did not say the cons of him out.
Sometimes I really dun wan to be in a relationship and wana give up. But yet at times, I need care and concern.... Friends are nt everything, they can't give you wat a bf can give.. But at the same time, there are prices to pay tooo.. In a relationship, mood can be affected at any time of the day...
How i wish i had someone to talk to know... But, nope there is no one that i can speak to. Later is another day of me in orchard alone.. Gona plan my day... Where should i go , how should i go around till late night... There is no point of me going back early.... And i also can't meet my friend as i dun wan to alert anyone.. Cause ended up all blames are back to me..
He changed.. Changed to a person which I feel so far from him.. Yes, I may say all the shit here, but this is wat i am thinking...
I really feel like ending up everything yet I dun wish to regret... All i wan is quality time spend together.. And this is so diffcult..
From nth to fuss about slipper, to clothing, to no mood and in the end, i am left alone and get the blame..
Maybe thoughts are just different, for now or rather from long time ago, I had forseen this realtionship will not last.. Yet it drag till now... How long will it drag?? Is this a bless or trouble to me???
What am i suppose to do????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
I feel like so stupid, this is a private blog which on one will come in and yet i am asking a question here... and I had to answer it myself.. I had what I am now!!!
.I just can't forget you
